Somewhere in the Middle
by NobleCaliber
Summary: They're not ready for the M-word, but they've made it past the first stage. That leaves them somewhere in the middle, with lies told for all the right reasons and fear, of both love and the law. But there is truth, and there is love, but it still hurts.


Honestly, after that finale, I had to.

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Shawn nearly jumps out of his skin when he turns around to find Juliet watching him from the hollow doorway between the two rooms.

He checks his watch, trying not to let his anxiety show. "Five thirty already, huh?" He stacks and shelves the last of the dishes he's been cleaning (Which shocks her in itself) and rubs his hands together with a dishtowel nervously.

"You alright, Shawn?" she asks, unsettled by him.

"Jules, we need to talk," he walks over to her, takes her hand, and leads her to the couch. He sits down cross-legged and she leaves her heels on the floor to do the same, facing her.

"Shawn," she draws out his name unsurely, becoming more confused by the second.

"Look, Jules, I have- I have some things to tell you. And I know that they're maybe a little… uncomfortable for us to talk about, but I've come to realize recently that it gets harder to lie as more time goes by and also that the longer you wait to come out with the truth, the more it hurts, even if you never even meant to hurt anyone with them. Because, I swear, Jules, I never meant to hurt anyone, least of all you, but I know that I will and that I _am_ and that hurts _me_, you know?"

"You're scaring me, Shawn," he grabs her hands gently and she stiffens for a moment before allowing them to be pulled between them to rest on the fabric of the couch enclosed in his own hands.

"But I do need to know one thing before I start," she nods, a silent _anything_, and he continues, "You want the bad news of the good news first?"

"Bad news," she replies after a moment, just a breath of contemplation.

He wasn't ready for that, he was counting on her saying good news. "Well the, I should preface this by saying that I started this before I even met you and you were never supposed to get hurt and I have to tell you this now because- because I _love _you, Juliet, and that was the good news lie because I blurted that out to Lassie and then I wouldn't talk about it because it scared me so much, and it still does and… And I love you and you were the last person who was supposed to get hurt in all of this and-"

"Shawn!" She was somewhere between that confusion and maybe a little fear for what he had to say and the fact that after avoiding it for months, he'd finally come out and said it. She could tell him that, God, she loves him so much, but she's fairly certain that he's going somewhere with this and even though she's not sure she likes where that is, she'll hear him out.

"Right, so," he snaps right back on track as if he never missed a beat, "Once upon a time, in a not so far off land that happens to be right here in the very town of Santa Barbara, I called in one too many tips because that's how I was trained, my dad trained me to notice everything, every _damn_ thing and I did, so I called in these tips and one day Lassiter and his partner pull me in and ask me all these questions and they were going to arrest me and would they really have believed me if I said I knew all these things because I'm hype-observant and have a photographic memory? No. So I told them I was psychic. And here's the thing Jules- I'm not."

He meets her eyes over his next sentence and there's so much swirling around underneath that he's not even sure what to think.

"My dad trained me into the ground to be some sort of supercop and that's how I do it and you have every right to be mad and hurt and I know I've been lying to you for almost six years now. I never had any intentions on keeping it up this long but despite the fact that he ruined my childhood, my dad know what he was doing and I'm good at this. It was only supposed to get me out of trouble with Lassiter, and then it was one case, but then I thought maybe one, two years and I knew you were too good for me and I had no hope and-"

"Shawn," she cuts him off.

"Yeah?"

"I am angry. And I am hurt. But I get it. And I'm not saying it's okay, because it's not, but you're trying to make it right and I appreciate that," her eyes stay locked on his face and he sees it now, the pain and the flare of anger, but she's not going anywhere.

"You're not leaving?"

"No, you said there was good news. And really, Shawn. I love you, too. I'm not going anywhere. I want the good news."

"Well," he reaches into his pocket and resurfaces with his hand fisted around something. With his free hand he grabs his DS from the coffee table and hands it to her. "Open it," she starts to lift the screen. "No, no, the back," she flips it over and pulls off the cover to the battery pack, which is not screwed in as it should be.

"Jesus," is all she can say when she sees what lays in place of the battery.

"I am an idiot. I did think that was what you wanted. I don't know if I was even ready for it, but I just wanted to make you happy. And I thought that ring was what you wanted; I thought that would make you happy. But I know that we should wait, I know that now. But I want _you_ to know, Jules, that I want that. I want to m-word you. But I know that now is not the time, so I'll trade you."

He opens his fisted hand and a small jewelry box rests in his palm. She doesn't realize that she's crying until she nods and replaces the back on the DS, handing it to him, and takes the box. She opens it, and inside is a pair of earrings, identical to a pair of her grandmother's that Barbie and Clive had already sold by the time that they were caught.

"Shawn, you shouldn't have," she runs her finger over one, barely able to see it through her tears.

"I did a lot of things I shouldn't have," he tells her softly.

"It still hurts-"

"I know Jules, I'm so sorry."

"But you… you, I don't even know what to say because- Because you trusted me with this, knowing the risks. You should never have done it in the first place, but you trusted me with it. And I, that means so much to me, and the fact that you, of all people, want _forever_ with someone, with me, that's enough, Shawn. It's enough to make it worth it, because damn, it hurts, and it's enough until we're ready for that ring."

He just kissed her.

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